Who I didn't know

     This past November the Lord met me.  I didn't know I was missing something and that I wasn't living free until I found freedom. But because I asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life, He has never stopped transforming me into the woman He made me to be.  It was a year and a half ago that my family came to our new church home in Ephrata, and it has been a steady introduction to the person of the Holy Spirit.      

    Jesus said in John 16:7,

Nevertheless I tell you the truth.  It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.

These words were not unfamiliar to me, and I had read about the Holy Spirit, learned about Pentecost, and known about how the early disciples of Jesus were filled with the Spirit and empowered to bring the Good News to the ends of the earth.  But knowing about, and knowing Holy Spirit personally aren't the same.

    God knew this about me, and I can't help but look back on November 19, 2023 as a day in which the Holy Spirit personally met me and changed me.  I didn't know exactly what was different at first, but I was certain something had changed.  This moment catalyzed my choice to get baptized in February of this year because it seemed fitting to mark a moment that so powerfully impacted me and left me feeling new inside.  After being baptized, I have continued to experience what can only be described as a renewed life.  It isn't that I didn't believe and want to live my life for God in the past, but now that I know the Holy Spirit, it is as if my eyes see more clearly, my thoughts no longer bring shame or condemnation, and I can walk with confidence that I didn't have before.

    Romans 8:1-2 says, "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.  And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death."  It is amazing to me how I didn't know bondage until I knew freedom.  Over the last 7 months, I have experienced countless ways in which the Spirit has changed me or is in the process of changing me.  The biggest and most impactful change thus far has been in my mind.  

    My past has been riddled with self-condemnation, anxiety, fear, and struggles with self-worth.  It wasn't terrible and few people probably knew this about me, but it was always there, so much so that I thought it was a part of me.  But when the Helper comes it is to our advantage.  I never even knew the chains I carried or the slave I had become to my thoughts, but the Holy Spirit moved powerfully and a place in me that wasn't previously occupied by Him became filled.  And now Paul says it best,

So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death.  But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace.  Romans 8:6

    Freedom is life and peace.  And with Holy Spirit, I am daily shown the way of life, granted the joy of His presence, and given the pleasure of living with God forever (Psalm 16:11).   I wrote a short poem a few weeks ago as I meditated on my new personal relationship with the Holy Spirit, and I share it as my final thoughts.  

This is Friend

To be known

To be noticed

To have a place to run to

To be able to sit in silence and it means everything

To not be able to articulate how I feel but it doesn't matter because You just know

To get me

To believe in me more than I believe in myself

To call out the gold in me but also call me on the carpet when I need it

To run after me when I've lost my way

To excitedly cheer me on when I am in my sweet spot

This is Friend and this is who You are to me

Thank you God

     


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