Trust Forward

     It has been 2 months since my last blog entry.  A lot has happened since then.  School was in full swing, then there were some hiccups as Covid cases really picked up in our area.  The girls both had exposures and then Madilyn and I both came down with Covid.  All praise to God that our symptoms were mild and Dan and Lydia remained free from it.  Now we have been back at a "normal" life for the past month with school, work, activities, etc.  

    In the past 2 months, I took steps to work on our homestudy that has come due, and then I cancelled and rescheduled all my steps when I got Covid.  Now we are officially in the home stretch of completing the paperwork.  By the end of this month, I should have everything I need to turn in to our agency, and then they will come and do a new home inspection at our house.  Once this is completed, we will be updated for the state of PA for one more year.  If Katie comes home within that year we will not have to do this again, but rather we will only be completing post-placement (or post-adoption) items.  However, if Katie is not in our home by next October, we will have to repeat this process again next fall. 

    So what about Katie?  Have we heard anything?  The short answer is "no", we haven't heard anything about Katie.  We have not received any updates, information, or timelines from China.  The missionaries who are in China have not been granted access to the orphanage despite repeated attempts to get in and visit.  Our adoption agency reaches out about every other month but has no new information about when adoptions in China will resume.  

    It has been almost 6 months since we last "saw" Katie in photos.  A few weeks ago, I reached out to one of our Chinese contacts to put together a gift to send to Katie.  Although we have been unable to get any updates, I have learned that if I send a gift, her orphanage will at the very least send a picture or 2 of her receiving it as proof that they got the gift.  So we sent clothes and a toy and just yesterday received photos of her.  Unfortunately, she is quite unhappy in the photos.  As I expected after the photos received in May, it did little to satisfy our hunger to know more, see more, understand more, or feel connected to her.  In fact, most of the time it leaves me with lots of questions and things to wonder about.  

    What do you do in this situation?  How do you wait with no timeline and virtually no contact?  To be honest, I don't have a simple answer to that question.  Sometimes life keeps moving so quickly that time passes and I wonder how it is November already and I am about to celebrate my first baby's 12th birthday.  Other times it stands still, and I feel like I will nearly suffocate on all the details and what-ifs of going to get Katie and bringing her home and adopting her into our life.  But the most helpful way I have of coping during this time is to trust, be faithful, and not worry.  

    Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek first the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."  More than anything else, this is the key to real living (whether my life is good or my life is difficult, whether I am happy or overwhelmed).  When I am not allowing my days to be consumed by how I feel at the moment, whether things are going my way, or what my schedule looks like there is a sense of freedom and peace no matter what my circumstances are.  It may not all be perfect, and frankly, I may not be happy all the time either...but I am content because I believe in a God who loves me, saves me from all my brokenness, and promises me a future hope and glory.  

    The next verse in Matthew goes on to say, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today."  As a recovering worrier, I can relate.  Anxiety usually stems from a place of dwelling on something yet to come or something that I cannot control.  And generally, in my experience, the build-up of worrying about that "something" coming is far worse than the actual unfolding of it all.  There is something to be said for this wise advice.  We don't know what tomorrow holds, I don't know when or how adopting Katie will play out beyond this moment right in front of me.  I certainly don't add anything to it or help myself or anyone else by worrying about it (see Matthew 6:27).  

    Does worry creep back in some days?  Yes, absolutely!  What then?  A verse I committed to memory many years ago, tells me what to do. "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2a).  I go back to setting my mind on Him, on His Kingdom, His faithfulness to me in the past, and the knowledge of His trustworthy character.  

I let God change the way I think:

I don't need to worry about the details because He has always provided enough of what I needed at the right time.  

I don't need to know all of the plans and control each step because His plans are perfect, and He promises to lead me in the way I should go if I am willing to follow Him.

I don't need to fear what's next or the change that is coming because He is with me to protect me, support me and strengthen me if I let His power be made perfect in my weakness. 

Although I am truly saddened that Katie is still not with us yet, and I can't possibly understand why things have turned out this way, I can keep trusting now and forward into the unknown ahead because I know a faithful, loving Father who never, ever takes His eyes off of me.

Prayer requests:

Continued prayers for Katie (for her health, well-being, provision, and so much more), her orphanage, and her caretakers 

Pray for open travel (the United States just opened travel to foreigners this month, please pray that China will reciprocate)

Thank you to all those who have been faithful to pray for us, check in with us, and support us.  We appreciate you!


                                                         Katie receiving her gift from us this week

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