Questioning the Impossible

     Nearly 3 weeks ago I reached out to Helen our China contact that our adoption agency has connected us with so we can get updates on Katie.  After waiting 3 months, at Helen's advice, we tried again to see if she would be willing to contact the orphanage and get a few pictures of Katie.  This time she agreed that it had been long enough and she would ask the orphanage director for updated pictures on our behalf.  For the first few days after emailing Helen, my heart fluttered each time I opened my email in the morning.  China is 12 hours ahead of us, so generally when I email Helen I have a response the next morning because she responded overnight.  After a week went by with no pictures, I started praying that the Lord would help me with my patience and my growing anxiety as I opened my email each morning.  Two weeks into the wait I no longer felt anxious and it wasn't the first thing on my mind each day.  Now at almost three weeks of waiting, my husband has begun to ask if anything came and my mom has checked in a few times to see if we received the update.  I don't know what the delay is all about, and I wondered this morning if I should email Helen again and inquire.  There is just so much that I do not understand.

    If I am honest, I have had a few thoughts recently that were not entirely good.  As I see the world around us and what is going on, I have thought about whether this adoption will ever happen.  Once this past month, I went on an internal spiral wondering if China could close the international adoption process without completing ours, and maybe God wanted me to start preparing for the reality that it may not happen.  Don't worry about me though.  There are people just like you who read this or know our story and have committed to praying for me, my family, and Katie.  And, oh, how thankful I am!  Because I don't doubt that the prayers of God's people are what sustains me and right my thinking in these moments of weakness.  

    As I was struggling with the impossibility of seeing the end of this adoption process I began reading the Gospels.  In just a few days time, I came across three people who faced and questioned the impossible.  First, before I go into their scenarios, let me clarify what seems impossible to me.  

Impossible is...

Starting an adoption process with China only to have it be the source of a worldwide pandemic

Finishing the mountain of paperwork that goes along with adoption only to have to watch it slowly expire as the wait continues

 The promise of a vaccine that will fight this virus and lead to a return to normal

 The introduction of variants as the virus mutates and works against all of our science

 The U.S. Dept of State updating their travel restrictions to Level 4 (Do Not Travel) for 80% of the countries in the International World

 Receiving a letter from China's Child Welfare Authority stating they understand the need to continue adoptions but can't because it is not safe for the children

 Now as I read I first came across Mary's story in Luke 1.  The angel has just told her that she will bear a child and he will be the Son of God.  In Luke 1:34 her reply is, "But how can this happen?"  The angel explains a little more to her and says in verse 37, "For nothing is impossible with God."  The next story that catches my attention is Nicodemus.  He is a religious leader who comes in the dark of night to see Jesus in search of some answers.  Nicodemus came looking for understanding and answers to things he couldn't explain.  Jesus doesn't even address his doubt-filled statement but jumps right to spiritual matters.  In John 3:9 Nicodemus asks, "How are these things possible?"  Incredulously, Jesus replies, "You are a respected Jewish teacher, and yet you don't understand these things?" (John 3:10).  Then just a chapter later we meet the Samaritan woman at the well.  An emboldened Jesus reveals to her in their conversation that He is the Messiah she has been waiting for.  The woman is amazed at what Jesus knew about her and told her, and she runs off to share the news in her village.  As she meets people she says in John 4:29, "Come and see a man who told me everything I ever did!  Could he possibly be the Messiah?"

     Three different people, with three different responses to being faced with the impossible.  Mary responds to the angel's declaration with the words, "I am the Lord's servant.  May everything you have said about me come true" (Luke 1:38).  Nicodemus is left with more questions than answers by Jesus' words, and Jesus even explains to him, "I assure you, we tell you what we know and have seen, and yet you won't believe our testimony.  But if you don't believe me when I tell you about earthly things, how can you possibly believe if I tell you about heavenly things?" (John 3:11-12).  The Samaritan woman runs and tells everyone she meets about Jesus even while still not fully understanding who He is or what He just told her.  She just wants others to come and see for themselves because maybe, just possibly, this Man is the Messiah.  

    Over the course of a few days reading these stories, I came to see that in this life we don't need to understand all the details, have all the answers, or acquire extensive knowledge.  No amount of human wisdom on its own can explain spiritual things.  It requires FAITH to believe in the work of God.   I can choose to be defeated as the impossible looms around me, or I can choose faith.  And I have learned that  faith is not understanding all the impossible but believing that it is possible with God.   So I wouldn't say my response to the impossible is like Mary's faith-filled belief.  And when I seek the Lord, like Nicodemus, I don't come away lost and confused, but rather with a sense of peace.  As was so with the Samaritan woman, I don't have all the answers to my questions (or my young daughter Madilyn's questions like "will she need a wheelchair, how long will you go to China, can she go to regular school, etc").   But I have an ounce of faith that continues to grow each time I open the word, spend time in prayer, and learn to trust.  With my mustard seed faith I invite you, like the woman at the well, to "come and see" what the God of the impossible will do next.  

    

A wave sculpture that I use as one of the many reminders in Katie's room and around my house to be faithful and believe in the impossible that my God can do.  He parted waters for His people, and He is making a way for Katie too. 

Prayer Concern:

    Just wanted to throw out a specific request for prayer for a picture update to come soon (we haven't "seen" her since December).  Also, her birthday is next month (5/5).  Please pray that Helen and the orphanage would work with us to get her a gift to celebrate.  We ask for prayer that, in general, the orphanage and China's Child Welfare Authority would be more open and helpful with providing child updates for waiting families.  These are difficult and unexpected times, and we pray that they would be more accomodating due to this extended wait.