Exactly What We Need

     February is a short month yet sometimes it drags on.  But with snow days and disrupted schedules, I am kind of surprised that we are about to turn the corner into March.  I can feel spring ready to burst forth as I see glimpses of buds, hear the song of birds, and experience the lengthening of daylight hours.  Oh, it is just what this weary soul needs, new life and hope.  

    Thinking back on this journey a year ago, I was antsy with anticipation believing that spring would bring the completion of our adoption.  I remember starting a new job and thinking how bad of an idea it seemed to do such a thing in the midst of this adoption timeline.  Would they be okay with me starting and in a few short months taking a leave of absence?  But I felt God opening doors left and right and the opportunity seemed like an answer to years of prayer.  Amazing!  Looking back now it seems so obvious, God knew just what I needed even when it did not make a lot of sense to me.  

    I also remember this time last year, hearing about China nearly every day in the news as the virus began to become newsworthy.  We had no clue where we were headed and what was to come.  Imagine if I had made it to China in my timeline.  Who knows if I would have been allowed back in the United States or whether I would have come back in good health.  Again, although it wasn't what I expected or planned in those moments, God knew just what I needed and was ahead of me taking care of me.  

    I don't know when I will be allowed to travel to China to meet Katie face-to-face.  There has been no change in China and really not a lot of communication either.  We can contact our China contact and inquire about an update next week.  I plan on emailing her Monday.  Despite what can feel like a stagnant time, I have seen some stirring and have experienced hope.  

    When we first began praying about Katie, we were hesitant.  A lot of heart work had begun as we prepared to think about undertaking this big step of faith.  At the beginning of this journey, Madilyn had come to terms with God's leading for our family but had not necessarily been okay with the idea of having a little sister.  As we have continued to grow in our faith and trust in God's plan, this month especially, I have had conversations with Madilyn and have witnessed a complete heart change.  We have talked about the joy that will come with having a little sister in the house and what her role will be as the bigger sister.  She has expressed her excitement for Katie and has frequently dreamed of her this month.  Now she tells me about all the things she is excited about when Katie comes and anticipates all that she will be able to do with and for her.  I did not know Madilyn needed this time to be ready and even get excited, but God did!

    As seems to be the pattern, God has taken me on a journey again this month revealing things to me about myself and growing my understanding of just how good and loving He is.  Just the other day I was reading part of the story of Elijah in 1 Kings chapter 19.  The prophet Elijah had just experienced an incredible spiritual high on Mt. Carmel and a miraculous showing of God's power.  I am sure his faith was on fire... haha, no pun intended (dig out your Bible and read the story for yourself if you don't get the joke).  Yet just a short while later he finds himself running for his life, faltering in his faith, and wishing for his life to end.  

     "He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die.  'I have had enough, Lord,' he said. 'Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died.'"  1 Kings 19:4

    I don't believe that Elijah really wanted to die, if so why not face his foe and end things?  I think he was experiencing a wavering of his faith.  After all, days earlier his God showed up in an amazing way, why now would he have to run and flee feeling all alone and as if he was the only one who experiences this.  This led me to reference other places where people did in fact experience what Elijah was going through.  For example, after running from God and a near-death experience, Jonah finally obeyed God and turned the hearts of an entire city back to the Lord with God's word of warning.  Yet after he did what he had been asked, he was upset and angry, and he too wished for death.  And in the familiar story of the Israelites escape from Egypt with Moses as their leader, we see a similar pattern.  They had just been delivered from the hands of Pharoah and witnessed miracle after miracle by God's own hand.  And then this happens:

 "Then Moses led the people of Israel away from the Red Sea, and they moved out into the desert of Shur.  They traveled in this desert for three days without finding any water... Then the people complained and turned against Moses.  'What are we going to drink?' they demanded."  Exodus 15:22,24

    Seems like spiritual highs and lows were pretty common actually.  I myself can attest to that.  As I read all this, the promise I saw on these pages was that not if, but when our faith falters, God meets us right there.  To summarize the outcome of each of these stories, God provided water to the Israelites (and just enough food later), he provided Jonah with shade and a compassionate understanding for why God needed him to preach, and he provided Elijah with life-sustaining food and energy and a clear plan for what's next when he had felt totally helpless and alone.  God provided exactly what they each needed.  

    So as I sit here and think about my highs and lows on this journey and God's loving care, I can relate to each one of these stories.  I have had some mountain-top moments when I know God is moving in awesome ways, and I have had some sad, depressing days that leave me feeling alone, lost, and at my breaking point.  And as we head toward the one-year mark of this pandemic it seems like if we have to keep going on like this we might all fall apart at the seams.  Yet that isn't how the story ends for these people in the Bible and it isn't our story either.  

    God knows!  He knows our suffering, the times when we falter, our doubt, frustration, and just plain exhaustion.  In those moments when we feel like giving up, throwing in the towel, resigning to the way things are... at that moment God doesn't demand that we pour out more of ourselves, instead He sustains us.  He meets us right there at our point of need and cares for us, providing exactly what we need.  

Celebrating my upcoming 40th birthday a little early (you are only as old as you feel, and I am sure a toddler in my home will most certainly help me feel young!)