The Picture of Adoption
When I first became a mom it wasn't an easy transition. Stepping into this new role did not just happen like some think it should or others so naturally assume. I had read lots of books while pregnant, followed all the rules for a healthy pregnancy, and then attempted to care for our new baby by feeding, changing, and making sure all her needs were taken care of as quickly and by the book as possible. The problem was things weren't so simple and they didn't always happen by the book. I didn't know how to do this and what did I do when all that I tried failed?
This was a rude awakening for me when I realized that this situation was out of my control. I needed to lay down my predetermined notions of motherhood, expectations, and plans. Once I came to the end of myself and gave all that I am for something else, my understanding of being a mom changed. Being a mom meant far more about my relationship with my daughter than it did meeting her needs. She needed to trust me, know she was safe with me, and believe that I was the person who loved her and would take care of her no matter what. Feeding or changing was an action, but how I did that action was far more important than the action itself. Changing times became fun as we talked and looked at each other, sang, and played games. Midnight feedings, although exhausting, were also cozy and full of cuddles.
Becoming a parent began transforming how I perceived God. As I wholly gave myself over to this tiny human that stole my heart, I realized just how often my relationship with God had previously been transactional. A relationship with God looked like going to church on Sunday, studying the Bible, and praying...check, check, check. But just like feeding, changing, and caring for my daughter wasn't all it took to be a mom, going through my Christian checklist didn't mean I had a real relationship with God. I learned to be more selfless as I would give all my time and energy to love this little being, and she didn't really have to do anything in return because my heart adored her no matter what. And this is how my faith began to be transformed. Despite hearing about God's grace and believing all that He did for me by sending His Son to die for my sins and give me eternal life, I didn't quite have a real-life picture of it until I understood that I would do anything for my own child.
Now that I have stepped into this process of becoming an adoptive parent, I once again am seeing a deep shift in my understanding of God's love for me. Even though becoming a parent helped me understand a picture of God's love, I think that the picture of an adoptive parent and child is an even better illustration. A quick look into a concordance in the Bible would show that quite frequently God's word uses the term adopted or adoption. And the stark reality is that if you are a believer, YOU are adopted!
Did we do something to earn this relationship? Did God choose us based on our performance, abilities, or obedience?
"Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure...And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago." Ephesians 1:4-5, 13b
Right there it is. God chose us. But did you notice what was right before that...He loved us! And this is the lesson He is teaching me in my heart in this current season. I can choose Katie (even though, if you've read my story thus far, it is obvious I really didn't even do that). When I meet Katie in China, her nanny or caseworker can tell her in Chinese that I am her mommy and put her in my arms. But I know that doesn't change her reality because someone told her I am her mom. I can bring her into my home, my life, and meet her needs. I may be able to improve her actual circumstances and be able to give her access to a "better" life, but these things alone won't make me mom or transform her heart.
"When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." Romans 5:6-8
Katie doesn't need me to "rescue" her. But she does need to know she is loved and to understand deeply what love is. We all need to understand the kind of love that God gives. So if God chose me to be called Katie's mom it wasn't so I could meet her needs and care for her. She won't really believe that I am more than another caretaker in her life if that is the role I take. But when I show her a picture of love, and when she believes for herself that I am mom and she is my daughter (not because someone told her that is who I am), that is when her life and heart will be transformed. It is through this journey and believing, that even though she wasn't born into our family, love has made a way for us to be a family and change each one of us. And as that picture of love unfolds, and she claims her identity as my daughter, by His grace she will see a complete picture of God's heart.
"Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us." 1 John 4:11-12
He saved me, He called me His own (adopting me as His child), and He did it with love. And He asks us as believers to go likewise and do the same.
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